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Posts Tagged ‘Rachel McAdams

If it has the word "last" or "remember"... someone definitely kicks the bucket

Let’s face it: when Hollywood finds a cow that produces they milk it until its dead on the ground. Like Nicholas Sparks for instance. This mediocre 44-year-old romance writer has spawned some of the most successful sap-fests in recent Hollywood history. Everyone cried in A Walk to Remember, and The Notebook is notoriously tissue-worthy. But I’m starting to get bored. Super bored, in fact. Miley Cyrus can do that to you…

8 Easy Steps to Writing a Nicholas Sparks Novel

1. There must be young-people in love. Or old-people in love. Or both

2. Society won’t like it. A rich girl and a poor boy? That storyline is brand spankin’ new!

3. Someone needs to die, be dying, or have some sort of incurable disease. This is a big thing for Nick. Seriously, in every single story someone has cancer, autism, dementia… you get the idea.

4. There must be an old house. It has a lot of history, and it might even be a fixer-upper. What a great thing to spend your dying days doing.

5. Someone needs to lose their virginity. Preferably the young-people in love.

6. It helps if in the film version, you cast a well-known pop sensation or American Sweetheart. It also helps if their names start with M. (Mandy Moore, Miley Cyrus, Rachel McAdams)

7. Beaches must be present and key parts of the story (if you’re curious which books this is true for… its every single one).

8. Similar to the need for beaches in is the need for Carnivals. These are, apparently, the most romantic places in the world. In my experience toothless carnies spitting tobacco on you isn’t really that romantic, but to each his own.

9. Letters, journals, etc should be written in copious amounts and left in bottles or in …. notebooks maybe? Or in songs? Last Songs perhaps?

See, now we can save poor Nick some time and write our very own novels for Hollywood to rip off and make millions off of.

Get crackin’, readers!

It’s not always good for a film’s reputation to precede it, but some films are likely to be worth your time this holiday season. Here’s an insider tip: Walk softly and carry a big purse (to smuggle in baked goods). Nothing says Christmas like ill-gotten cookies and Robert Downey Jr.

The Lovely Bones

Susie Salmon's Heaven in "The Lovely Bones"

Peter Jackson is a personal hero of mine, however he hasn’t had a hit film as a director since King Kong in 2005, and even that paled in comparison to his larger than life rendition of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy. Now Jackson, with the help of Rings writers Phillippa Boyens and Fran Walsh (his wife), is tackling another novel adaptation, The Lovely Bones. Written by Alice Sebold, the novel is a bestseller and a personal favourite of mine (although I’m not done yet!). Not necessarily the most cheerful of holiday flicks, it centers around the story of a young girl who is murdered by a neighbor, and watches her family struggle to deal with her loss from heaven. Click here to watch a trailer; it looks like another technological marvel from Jackson and a definite attempt to bait the Academy. Throw in the all-star cast of Saoirse Ronan (pronounced seer-sha) from Atonement (2007), Rachel Weisz, Stanley Tucci, Mark Wahlberg and Susan Sarandon, and this is sure to be worth your while.

Avatar

Aliens fight for their land in "Avatar"

The King of ridonculous budgets, James Cameron (Titanic) is making a big comeback with this special-effects ridden, seemingly allegorical tale of human army’s attempting to decimate an indigenous alien tribe in order to steal their resources. Check out the trailer here and tell me you don’t think this looks out of this world (pun intended). I’m willing to forgive the casting of Michelle Rodriguez (I find her unsettling and obnoxious) for the promise of amazing special effects and slightly hilarious, winking-at-the-audience casting of Sigourney Weaver. Plus James Cameron is nothing if not a showman.

Youth in Revolt

Michael Cera as "Francois"

Canadian comedian Michael Cera has made millions from playing the exact same character (and doing it well) since his debut on TV’s Arrested Development. This has gotten a little tiresome after the glow of Juno wore off, and Paulie Bleeker became the most popular men’s Halloween costume of 2008. Finally, Cera has decided to have a little fun with this character in Youth in Revolt, a film about a kid … basically about Michael Cera getting bored being Michael Cera and creating an alter ego named Francois who is dangerous and has an awesome mustache. He gets laid and lights things on fire. This promises to be a hilarious romp with Cera testing his limits and talking to himself for 50% of the film. Check out a trailer here.

Sherlock Holmes

He's an oldie but a goodie

Robert Downey Jr. is shirtless. And naked. A lot.

I think Rachel McAdams and Jude Law are in it too.

I feel it isn’t necessary to explain this any further. But here’s a trailer

What movies are you excited for this holiday season? Notice how I included no holiday movies. Why? Because they all suck and are grubbing for my money. There. I said it. If I have to watch another movie about Scrooge, or It’s a Wonderful Life, or a blatant copy of either of those films, I’ll puke up my Who Hash.